We know you would be here today...If Heaven weren't so far away
Your wedding day is a day
you get to share with your beloved family and friends. One of the hardest parts
of planning a wedding is the confluence of emotions and remembering those you've lost. You wish with all your heart that they could be
physically present for one of the most memorable days of your life, but life
happens.
One of the greatest issues
couples struggle with when planning their wedding is how to honour a lost loved
one. Whether you choose to acknowledge this person's absence publicly for your
guests to share, or privately for you alone, deciding how to do that can be a
challenge, because you ultimately want to strike the right balance between
acknowledging that loved one and fostering a festive mood for your happy
occasion.
Before deciding
on a tribute, it is important to consider these three things:
1) How fresh is the wound?
Your intention should be to recognize that person without casting a melancholy mood over your celebration. If your loved one passed away a few months before the wedding, I would want to advise that as a couple, you both handle a tribute differently than if you’ve had time to properly grieve. You have to find your personal comfort level, and work with that.
2) How much attention do you want to draw to this tribute?
How we handle death is a very personal matter. It is important to consider whether you and your partner want this tribute to be “for your eyes only,” for simply capturing pictures that you both can cherish when you enjoy your wedding photo gallery, or if you want a public message to recognize your loved one. My husband chose this route on our wedding day as he publicly acknowledged our grandmothers whom we both lost last year. He did this during the ‘Vote of Thanks’ and we both felt really good about acknowledging their love and influence over our lives.
3) What’s most appropriate for that person?
Think about the personality of your loved one you wish to honour. Did she love being the centre of attention, or did she prefer to stay out of the spotlight? What were her favourite activities, hobbies, and interests? What connected you two and helped you form a bond? Taking a look at your relationship will help you decide what tribute is most appropriate.
1) How fresh is the wound?
Your intention should be to recognize that person without casting a melancholy mood over your celebration. If your loved one passed away a few months before the wedding, I would want to advise that as a couple, you both handle a tribute differently than if you’ve had time to properly grieve. You have to find your personal comfort level, and work with that.
2) How much attention do you want to draw to this tribute?
How we handle death is a very personal matter. It is important to consider whether you and your partner want this tribute to be “for your eyes only,” for simply capturing pictures that you both can cherish when you enjoy your wedding photo gallery, or if you want a public message to recognize your loved one. My husband chose this route on our wedding day as he publicly acknowledged our grandmothers whom we both lost last year. He did this during the ‘Vote of Thanks’ and we both felt really good about acknowledging their love and influence over our lives.
3) What’s most appropriate for that person?
Think about the personality of your loved one you wish to honour. Did she love being the centre of attention, or did she prefer to stay out of the spotlight? What were her favourite activities, hobbies, and interests? What connected you two and helped you form a bond? Taking a look at your relationship will help you decide what tribute is most appropriate.
Your inclusion of a
deceased relative can be as subtle as a symbolic white rose in your bouquet or
as public as a moment of silence at the ceremony, and I’ve suggested a
couple ways to honour their memory below.
Memory charms on your bouquet
This is more personal and
also makes for wonderful photos that you get to hold close to your heart. Many
brides opt for this route and it certainly is a discreet way to significantly acknowledge
the ones you’ve lost.
Photo taken from BridalMusings.com
Reserving a seat in their memory
Photo taken from Pinterest
Making a toast in their memory
Quite the public
acknowledgment if you so desire.
I love this idea because of
its symbolism. I’ve interpreted this gesture as “we will always be wherever
you go.”
Have a Memory Table
A memory table is a nice
way to provide your guests with an insight of your lineage and honour the ones
you’ve lost.
Photo Credit: Kim Fox Photography
All in all, even with all
the hustle of planning your wedding, emotions hit you when you least expect. It’s
hard to imagine your big day without the ones you love, but you can choose a method
that is most comfortable to you and your partner to include the ones you’ve
lost in a special way.
These are wonderful ways to ensure your departed loved ones are part of your special day. Great post 👏
ReplyDeleteI love that you made sure to give such sound advice about reflecting on the particular situation of bereavement before deciding on what sort of tribute is appropriate - this will definitely help a bride and/or groom find a way to honour their loved one without having their grief take centre stage on their wedding day or overwhelm them. Some lovely ideas too for the actual incorporation into the wedding - I once saw a bride do lanterns for her loved ones and they burned bright throughout the entire wedding.
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