I HOPE TO. I DO. I STILL DO.

No matter how many weddings you’ve attended before, there are really some important things that you simply don’t get to experience until your wedding day. First of all, I’d like to say a huge thank you to all 48 respondents (both past brides and grooms and singles in general) of my 3-fold question. To recap, my questions were:

-       What was your favourite memory of your wedding day?

-       If you’re single, what do you look forward to on your wedding day?

-       What would you change/improve about your wedding day if given the chance at a do over?

There were some pretty interesting responses, and I deduced that after going through the process themselves, past brides learned a thing or two from the wedding planning experience, whether it's what to spend on, or the best way to plan their seating arrangements. If you're still in the midst of planning your wedding (congrats!) or you hope to get married someday, then you can learn from these brides so you can avoid making the same mistakes. Here's a few great pieces of advice from brides who've been there:

Capture all the memories.

The day passes by quickly. Make sure your photographer captures all the moments, from getting ready till the night ends if you could; make sure you have memories that can last a lifetime.

Hire a videographer.

If its financially possible, it is a worthy investment. As the years go by, you want to sometimes relive that moment, especially when your anniversary comes up every year.

Soak it all in.

So many things happen on the day of. Take a moment to let it all sink in. You’re getting MARRIED!

Take some time to carefully prepare a Thank you speech.

This sentiment was shared by a number of brides- that the Thank you speech should have had a little more preparation as they believed that they overlooked thanking some key people unintentionally.  

EAT. EVERYTHING!

Another past bride indicated that she and her husband both agreed- their one do over? They would EAT MORE! Yes, eat more! It may seem hard to believe, but the day can fly by without enjoying the full menu of what you and your new hubby worked tirelessly for months to put together for your guests to enjoy.

Submit a list of desired photos.

Many brides reiterated the importance of submitting a list of must have photos to your photographer in advance, so that day- of photos will include all the portraits you wish to have with different members of your family. Some brides lamented that they did not get pictures with a lot of close family and friends because of this.

Thoroughly review the guest list.

Are all these people really necessary? I cannot tell you the number of brides who emphasized heavily on the fact that should they ever have the chance at a do over, they would never have invited HALF the people they did. Some of them even went on to say that many of the guests were “forced” on them by relatives, and they wont ever allow themselves to feel that sort of pressure again, mainly because they don’t have a fundamental relationship with so many of the people who attended on their special day.

Now let’s go into the favourite memories!

The intimacy of the first dance.

Even after more than a decade of marital bliss, one past bride still vividly remembers that moment and the way her husband was not afraid to be physically affectionate on the dance floor.

Exchange of vows

A few brides chose to have the best of both worlds by including both traditional vows and personal, written vows.

Complete satisfaction with the ceremony and reception venue.

One past bride shared that finding the perfect church and perfect reception venue made the trouble of ultimately securing both locations so worthwhile. She is so happy that she did not settle until she was completely satisfied!

Bittersweet location.

One military wife wished that she and her husband had gotten married in the presence of loved ones, but because of the complexity of military life, they got married in another country. Strange enough, the location also made it so much more memorable, as it was unique and they were able to experience a different culture altogether. In the end, their wedding day unfolded in its own special way.

These are some of the wonderful responses I got from persons who hoped to be married one day:

Age can change perspective:

One submission that stood out a lot as it was also something that I could relate to- a single woman and mother whose dreams of her perfect day evolved over the years, from wanting the grandeur and the fairy tale wedding to just desiring a small, intimate ceremony with no more than 50 persons followed by dinner. She maintains that for her, the most important aspects are the ring, the photos, the honeymoon, and fighting to ensure that most importantly the marriage withstands the test of time.

What God has put together:

Another submission who hoped to one day be married indicated that her special day must include a spirit filled church ceremony, and on a regular Sunday. Because of the Sacrament of marriage, she placed heavy emphasis on the longevity of the union. What was interesting was that she made sure to state that she wanted to include her East Indian culture, most likely with her wedding dress, and she wanted her groom to wear a beautiful, traditional African print as a representation of his culture. The symbolism for them both would be Unity and togetherness, and emphasized that everything else was secondary after they exchanged their sacred vows.

I found that many other singles who did think of the prospect of marriage preferred to trade a big wedding for a small, intimate ceremony, and exotic, extravagant honeymoon.

Another woman can hardly wait for two dreamy moments- the exchange of vows, and the first dance. Her significant other also convinced her to forego the civil ceremony idea and host a small, intimate ceremony in the presence of close family and friends.

MY FINAL THOUGHTS

At the end of it all, no matter how much planning goes into your wedding, some things you can only learn after you say “I do.”

Marriage itself is about the long, slow journey; the moments, simple daily moments. Lively bedroom conversations that last deep into the night; long, speechless road trips in the car, asking each other time and time again what the other person wants to eat, the grocery shopping, the house hunting. It’s about the companionship.

Strive for trust and stability, not excitement and adventure. That’s not to say that you won’t have the latter. You will. But I’ve found that adventure and excitement are often the reward you get for first achieving trust and stability.

Rather than trying to change each other, learn to love your spouse for exactly who he/she is, in that moment. Be honest with each other, even if it hurts. Let that person tell you everything that is wrong with you, all the things you already knew but could never face alone. Best of all, try to move on without holding on to each other’s hurts.

Argue. Challenge each other. Push each other to do good and be better. Know that the baggage and issues you each bring into this union do not magically disappear on your wedding day. In fact, they’ll most likely intensify. Be prepared to battle not only your own demons in the years to come, but each other’s.

A challenging road lies ahead. Arguments, money struggles, interior decorating decisions, possible relocation, maybe babies, and every other thing you can think if. But something even more wonderful is about to come your way: Routine. Stability. Knowing. And at last comfort. A comfort you’ve never known was possible.

I truly hope my final article helped someone. Anyone. I do not believe that there is anything more that I could say.

                                                   

Photographer: Alaina Ronquillo Photography